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Postby icycalm » 11 Jun 2008 20:15

I drop out of the internet for a few weeks, and the first thing I read on my return is this:

Metal Gear Solid, the lovechild of GI Joe and Aristotle, may be PSOne’s poster boy, but I’ll always remember another PS classic that brought realism to console games unlike any game before it: Bushido Blade.

And while each MGS installment inspires criticism detailing its culturally relevant storyline, picture perfect art design, and expansive gameplay, the Bushido Blade series - first debuting in 1997 in Japan - has since gone mostly unnoticed


http://www.gamesetwatch.com/2008/06/col ... able_f.php

The human race needs to commit seppuku asap. ASAP!
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Postby JoshF » 16 Jun 2008 05:40

This is insane.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q2tSVP-AO6w

Looks like you offended one too many artfags, now you have to suffer his wrathpainting.
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Postby icycalm » 16 Jun 2008 16:12

Only 542 views :(
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Postby raphael » 16 Jun 2008 18:37

No offense man, but you'd better concentrate on important stuff (your book). Internet really don't seem to do you any good these days.
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Postby icycalm » 25 Jun 2008 18:20

And now, a computer programme we wrote:

**BEEP**BEEP**BUZZ**

THANK YOU FOR ACTIVATING THE GAMES REVIEW SHIT-FILTER TRANSLATOR PROGRAMME

PLEASE INPUT SHIT:

“Instead, environmental audio appears on an equal footing, creating an inherent weakness, and resultant homogeneity, to the simulated combustion – something that could perhaps be remedied with as little as a tweak to the equalisation.”

**BEEP**BEEP**WHIRR**BUZZ**

TRANSLATION:

“The cars sound a bit crap.”

THANK YOU FOR USING THE GAMES REVIEW SHIT-FILTER TRANSLATOR PROGRAMME SPONSORED BY EDGE

END OF LINE


http://ramraider.blogspot.com/2008/06/j ... irton.html
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Postby raphael » 25 Jun 2008 18:33

Perfect... and so useful.

Do you have a link to the article who inspired him this? Could be worth a good laugh too.
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Postby icycalm » 25 Jun 2008 19:14

Nope. You could post in the dude's blog and asking him.
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Postby raphael » 25 Jun 2008 20:04

I found it:
EDGE REVIEW: Race Driver: Grid

Didn't read it yet though.
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Postby Molloy » 26 Jun 2008 15:02

I was reading that review a few weeks ago and thought much the same thing. The reviews in Edge are very, very weak. The news and previews are very nicely written though. Still better than you'd find on the internet. The columns have gone downhill massively in the past two or three years mind you.
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Postby icycalm » 26 Jun 2008 17:48

Reviews and articles then are going downhill. The most important things.

The only thing they can do well (the news and previews) is the job that they are not even supposed to be doing (i.e. the job which the official sites should be doing).

Splendid.
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Postby Jedah » 27 Jun 2008 00:41

Does Ninja Gaiden II contain levels and bosses identical to the original? If not then most of the screenshots of NJII preview in EDGE 189 come from Ninja Gaiden Sigma. We're talking about 2 pages of huge screenshots. I don't know what happened but EDGE is falling with the speed of light...
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Postby icycalm » 27 Jun 2008 16:09

Or our taste is ascending with the speed of light...

The truth is probably somewhere between those two extremes.
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Postby Mr.Stevenson » 29 Jun 2008 07:36

An excerpt from a blog entitled For Men Marriage Is A Lose/Lose Prospect:

Today's average American female is definately not marriage material to begin with. The average female in the U.S. will have sex with as many as fifty different partners by the time she is only 25 years old, while males have sex with only a third of that amount by the same age if they have multiple partners at all. Women have much easier access to sex than males. What they didn't teach you in high school social studies is that 95% of women have sex with only 5% of the male population. This is has always been true throughout history, only difference now is that women are now free to have sex with unlimited partners.

This is the real reason why women have rates of veneral disease and multiple venereal diseases so much incredibly higher than men, not the reasons the government tries to pass off. The secret women are desperately trying to hide is that the average American female is a floating cesspool of VD; a walking toxic waste dump and a public toliet. American women are not just the opposite of marriage material, they need to be quaranteened


The blog is riddled with lols.
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Postby icycalm » 29 Jun 2008 17:40

That really is lollerific, but this thread is supposed to be for game-related lols. Even the porn site I linked earlier had something to do with gaming (New Games Journalism). Just keep this in mind for the future.

And you could always start another lol thread in the 'off-topic' board...
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Postby Molloy » 30 Jun 2008 18:01

icycalm wrote:Reviews and articles then are going downhill. The most important things.

The only thing they can do well (the news and previews) is the job that they are not even supposed to be doing (i.e. the job which the official sites should be doing).

Splendid.


The articles and interviews are still excellent. As are the regular "Making of.." features. They've just pared the columns section back because they can't find any good replacements for Ste Curran, Biffo, Poole and Jeff Minter.

I'm not going to go into wether reviews are the most important part of a magazine, I just know that's the part I find most boring and I couldn't give a hoot if it was bad or not.

It's fashionable to bash Edge, but I think it still has more merit to it than any games website despite it being far from perfect.
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Postby icycalm » 30 Jun 2008 18:26

What are you, drunk?

Molloy wrote:The reviews in Edge are very, very weak. [...] The columns have gone downhill massively in the past two or three years mind you.
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Postby icycalm » 30 Jun 2008 18:43

Oh ok, my bad. I guess you are distinguishing generic articles from regular columns. Fair enough.
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Postby Molloy » 01 Jul 2008 14:06

You were like a school teacher there. Hehe.

I'm not angry with you Molloy, just dissapointed.
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Postby icycalm » 01 Jul 2008 19:08

Well then, how about linking some of those interesting Edge articles/interviews? They are all online at that next-gen site, right? Last issue of Edge I read had Perfect Dark Zero on the cover, and the last issue before that it must have been like 2002.
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Postby icycalm » 05 Jul 2008 20:33

The way to enjoy this film is to put your logic on hold, along with any higher sensitivities that might be vulnerable and immerse yourself as if in a video game. That “Wanted” will someday be a video game, I have not the slightest doubt. It may already be a video game, but I’m damned if I’ll look it up and find out.


http://rogerebert.suntimes.com/apps/pbc ... /294566124
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Postby Molloy » 07 Jul 2008 13:00

Edge have a three page interview with the guy who made Segaga this month. He now works for Treasure. I'd love to play an english translation of that title. It sounds crazy.
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Postby burnsro » 07 Jul 2008 13:59

There is an English translation in the works. As with all unofficial translations though please wait for it patiently.

It's good to know that he went to a competent developer. It's interesting how SEGA's talent scattered. Could he be the one of the SEGA employees that helped make Astro Boy with Treasure and then decided to jump ship?
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Postby icycalm » 09 Jul 2008 23:59

Absolutely must-read thread from this point onwards:

http://forums.insertcredit.com/viewtopi ... 885#284885

Highlights:

Jon R. wrote:Yes, ignore me and be enthralled by the description of art composition with scoring. Apparently the player could just, you know, go make something, but with this revolutionary idea he will now want to be scored on it by an algorithm which i'm sure will make sense. Also, despite being a game with a score that's directly related to the player's actions, it will somehow not be the guiding factor in the player's actions. Afterall, it's the "clear intentions" that are the determining factor, so surely that won't influence anything. The player can make whatever he pleases... as long as it's withing the dictated parameters.

Fuckin' aspies are everywhere these days.


Koji wrote:You're projecting on the few words I spent describing my game, and you call me an aspie? What a joke of a troll.


Jon R. wrote:Is that what they call those who point out ridiculous contradictions? I know you're that sort of old-IC sort that cums at the mere idea that up can be down if you just squinch your eyes and wish hard enough, but to those for whom language still has meaning i pretty much repeated what you said with a much needed sense of irony.

Unless your magical game isn't going to have an arbitrary evaluation method that makes itself completely irrelevant by design. Or maybe your point is that even you don't know what the fuck you just said.
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Postby icycalm » 10 Jul 2008 22:21

That Jeremy Parish clown is reading my website:

Look, here's the thing: Gaming is an artform. Not Art-with-a-capital-A, mind you; that's an argument for another time.


Too bad he is too stupid to learn anything from it:

I mean simply that gaming is a medium that lends itself to both creative personal expression and corporate-crafted emulations of creativity alike, just like books and music and movies and paintings.


Once painting reached photorealism, what was left? Style. Expression. Personality. [LOL. --icy] Fanboys can bang on about Hideo Kojima, but MM9 has the potential to be true postmodernism [LOLOLOL. --icy], in the artistic sense. It could well be the work of a creator who has taken a look at what the modern medium has to offer, then deliberately reached back into history to find his solution, combining the mechanisms of the past with the sophisticated thinking made possible by decades of advances.


http://www.gamespite.net/toastywiki/ind ... RightAgain
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Postby icycalm » 14 Jul 2008 02:17

Here's another guy who pays close attention to what I say, but who never seems to manage to understand anything (emphasis is mine):

Seriously. I've been thinking about this lately. Videogames are ridiculous and juvenile. While I haven't done it much lately, those of you who know me are aware of my tendency to clamor for games to be more, and yet I perpetually find myself drawn to games as they are. Is it because I am some sort of man-child? What is the appeal? Timesinks and artificial achievements?


http://forums.selectbutton.net/viewtopic.php?t=14774

The same can actually be said about most people who post in that forum. They all read Insomnia, and you can often find threads there discussing issues I dealt with in my articles, but they always take care not to link back here. Sometimes someone will link me, and then the admin or the moderators will either delete the link, or on occasion even the whole thread!

In any case, it never ceases to amuse me to see these little monkeys scratch their monkey-heads in frustration and mystification. No one on that website knows anything about videogames, and yet their discussions never end. They never learn anything, but they never get bored either.

Take this thread I just linked, for example. It would just take me a couple of sentences to solve their problem, and yet it would be a waste of effort, because no one would understand anything. So here's the answer:

Yes the reason you still play games is because you are a man-child. Everyone who plays games after a certain age is by definition a man-child. However, this is not their fault. In fact it is no one's fault -- there's no one to blame. That just seems to be the way things eventually turn out in advanced civilizations.

So basically that's it. If someone were to post the above 4-5 lines in that thread, that would be the end of the thread. There'd be nothing more to say, except for people asking for clarification. But the clarifications would never end, so you'd be forced to tell them to read a dozen books about philosophy, which of course there's no way they would ever read, so what would probably end up happening is that they'd start calling you names and eventually ban you because they can't understand what the fuck you are talking about.

That's basically what makes every single serious thread in that forum (and EVERY internet forum) a lost cause -- the fact that the people participating in it lack the basic knowledge necessary to tackle it.

All of which brings us back to Baudrillard:

it's better to have nothing to say if one seeks to communicate

In which case -- long live communication!
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